Haunted by Hallowe'ens past

Jack o'lantern stencils look deceptively easy.  I'm the only one in the family who uses them; the Resident Fan Boy and younger daughter prefer free-hand, as did Demeter.

The trick is not cutting away the bits of the pumpkin that support the design; I've learned that the hard way.

YouTube's algorithms have been sending me episodes of a 1970s British dramatisation of the crisis in the mid-thirties concerning Edward VIII, which resulted in his abdication before being crowned.  It's called Edward and Mrs Simpson, and the closing credits featured Art Deco silhouettes of the pair. 

*Not* the stencil

Our pumpkin carving kit, which we've used for over a decade, features a very similar design, so I couldn't resist, carving against the clock, as the sun faded, and I tried to enlarge slim openings and small holes enough to let the candlelight through. The photo is misleading; much of the time, and in different lights, it looked like a disfigured ghoul.

I review my journals - not all of them, mostly recent ones - twice a week, and reliving the final months of last year is becoming rather painful.  Entries from late October and early November 2025, remind me that Demeter had begun hallucinating.  More than once, she told me that there had been noisy people in the halls outside her apartment late at night, one of them singing in a glorious bass voice.  She took her hearing aids out for bedtime, and was far too deaf to actually hear anyone in her apartment, let alone the halls outside.

I knew then that the end wasn't far off.   Years ago, my grandmother had visions out of the corner of her eye:  a phantom woman.  My aunt wept when she heard about it.

Reading about last year's Hallowe'en, I was reminded that my COVID jab of that autumn had drained me of energy, although I still managed to help my mother carve her pumpkin.  In the fog of fatigue, I failed to take a picture of younger daughter's costume.  I was startled to read, last night, that it was the same costume she devised this year.  I have absolutely no memory of this.  

I wondered why younger daughter repeated her costume, something she never does.  She made sure I took a picture of her this year.  I had the energy to take a picture of her, because, even though I'd had my COVID shot two days ahead of Hallowe'en - just like last year - unlike last year, I had only three pumpkins to hollow out in preparation for carving.

Perhaps a little bit less of my energy is being cut away this year.

A big piece of me seems to be missing, though.

As painful as it can be, it's a good thing I keep journals.