Friday, 30 December 2022
A hell of a place to find heaven
Saturday, 17 December 2022
Making waves
Thursday, 15 December 2022
Love the Guest is on the way
Wednesday, 14 December 2022
Fading
Tuesday, 13 December 2022
I'm dreaming - oh gawd, I'm dreaming...
Struggled awake from one of my "failure dreams" in which I've failed to prepare for something, my injured arm aching dully.
I don't need an analyst for dream interpretation. I'm terrified and frozen, as Christmas bears down on me like a bright SUV -- or a horde of cyclists. I'm healing, slowly and steadily, from my fall two and a half weeks ago, but I tire easily, and find myself slow to attempt even the least labour-intensive tasks.
Elder daughter arrives in two days; American Cousin arrives in a week. I'd so hoped to have everything prepared by then. I haven't even finished the damn online shopping.
Among the things I have been doing is uploading my favourite Christmas videos on to the Resident Fan Boy's YouTube channel, so we can watch them on the large screen television. In doing so, we've discovered that the RFB really needs to sign into his YouTube account, rather than just watching without doing so. Apparently, if you don't, the algorithms decide what might appeal to you, and put them into your "Watch Later" file. The RFB was horrified. I had to show him how to delete stuff. I'll spare you.
Most of my favourite Christmas offerings have shown up on my blog at some point, but I don't think this one has, probably because it's usually viral during the holidays, and is customarily shared without giving credit to the animator. Mind you, it's not that easy to give credit where credit is due, because there is surprisingly little information about Joshua Held online. I gather that he is an animator, film-maker, and writer. He was born in 1967 in Tuscany.
I leave you with this, as I've got a lot more procrastinating to do. (I'm sure you've already seen this anyway.)
Monday, 12 December 2022
What's good enough for Annie Lennox is good enough for me
And I had to look, because what's good enough for Annie Lennox is good enough for me - I suggest you play the video, too. The trees and pavement looked very Vancouver Island to me, and sure enough, someone responded in the comments that the dancers were Canadian. I quickly looked them up.Wowza!! I just saw this incredible interpretation of SWEET DREAMS…
— Annie Lennox (@AnnieLennox) December 10, 2022
Gentlemen..You’re AMAZING!!!
Thanks for choosing our song!
ps.. Who ARE you???? pic.twitter.com/uQFLUYZ5iI
Sunday, 11 December 2022
Womansplaining
Saturday, 10 December 2022
Peeping Mom
I've run out of day again (which seems to happen more often in December; shall I blame the Soltice?), so here's my Advent calendar this year. It's the kind of Advent calendar I loved as a child: where you open the doors and windows and see what's behind them. Or else something has changed.
Friday, 9 December 2022
Music therapy
Thursday, 8 December 2022
Dieu veille
When we had small children, a new mortgage, and little money, I made "blessing bags" on Christmas for the Resident Fan Boy, Demeter, and my Friend of the Right Hand. The idea came from the "Angel Cards" we had on a table at Victoria Hospice. One of the nurses told me that if you drew three at a time, you would have many, many combinations.
Wednesday, 7 December 2022
Quo vadis
I feel slapped.
The day was going well, and I left younger daughter happily listening to Michael Bublé Christmas music while preparing macaroni and cheese, went over to Demeter's, bearing Wednesday's lunch, courtesy of the local Japanese eatery.
Demeter looked up from her book. "Did you know that Mary Helen died on November 13th?"
I froze, gaping at her.
Mary Helen was diagnosed with ovarian cancer something like five years ago. Immunotherapy, a relatively new break-through in cancer treatment, brought her a fair whack of quality living, reducing her pain and boosting her energy for a couple of years. The final descent began a few months ago, while visiting friends and family in another province. A "Go-Fund-Me" was set up to pay for the astronomical cost of bringing her back to Victoria via air ambulance. (Demeter and I sent modest donations.)
The last report I'd heard, via Demeter's church, indicated that she was doing well in hospital and regaining some independence.
Then I had eye surgery.
Then I fell.
And there I was, reeling at this expected and unexpected news, realising that I hadn't checked Demeter's emails for more than six weeks, which is why neither Demeter nor I had heard. Holding back tears, I set up email reminders for me to check every other day.
Demeter herself seemed relatively unmoved. She's at that stage of life, when letting people go has become a necessity. It's a necessity for me, too, I guess, but I'm still pretty bad at it.
Mary Helen was one of the most centred people I've known. She was one of those highly organised, capable women, who did not use her capabilities and organisation to bludgeon those less so. She used those gifts for good, finding time to help and support, even when illness clouded her final years and sapped her energy.
If I wish to truly honour her memory, I need to attempt to emulate her. I'd never fully succeed, but I'd be a far, far better person.
So many will miss her. Surely, that's a great way to go out, with family and friends sad to see you go, but letting you go, wherever it is we have to go.
Tuesday, 6 December 2022
I spy with my little eye
Today would have been my second eye operation, but my tumble to the pavement ten days ago has pushed the procedure into late January.
Never mind. Having just one eye done has made a significant difference.
I was just reading my journal entry from six weeks ago. It sounds euphoric, to say the least:
Oh. My. God. I CAN SEE.
Today was my first post-operative visit to Moka House. In the pre-dawn light, I peered into the lit windows of the buildings I passed: lamps and shelves and wallpaper. In the arch of trees, I could see branches, leaves.
Walking by a man at the bus stop, whose figure stood out in clear relief. He stared into nothingness, listening to whatever was in his white earbuds. He didn't appear to notice me, but, by golly, I could see him: his side profile, the strands of his blond hair.
I stopped at the bottom of the steps leading into the coffeehouse patio, taking in the individual bulbs in the string of lights. I entered and could actually see the baked goods, and read the menu on the chalkboard. For the first time in over a year, I read the posted clip of the day's horoscope by the pick-up station.
There's a beautiful, small, dark painting on the wall opposite me. I've never noticed it before. The other paintings are clear and colourful, not impressionistic at all.
And this was long after the Ativan wore off. On the morning of my operation, I was offered medication, as I sat in a recliner in the waiting room, my eye full of various preparatory drops. I told the nurse that giving birth twice has taught me to accept any drugs offered before a procedure.
"Fair," he said, cheerfully, giving me the tiny pill to pop under my tongue. A fair bit later, I was gingerly positioning myself on the narrow operating bed, and the doctor pressed a kind of white gel pack to my eye, through which he opened a hole.
And all I could see was a kaleidoscope of brilliant oozy smears of light, blobs that changed colour from magenta to royal blue to poison green. It reminded of the "Stargate" bit from 2001: A Space Odyssey.
Thank goodness they were playing a classical guitar piece, and not the weird music from that part of the film -- or the rather clubby, thumpy stuff which was on when I came in.Monday, 5 December 2022
This is vastly more entertaining than it sounds
Sunday, 4 December 2022
The abyss of Christmas
Look, I love Christmas.
I really do.
This year's is shaping up to be somewhat of a challenge. One of my American cousins is coming up from California to pay her respects to Demeter. She's coming five days before Christmas, and will depart on the morning of Boxing Day. This is because she's American, and, as far as she's concerned, Christmas began on the American Thanksgiving and will end abruptly on Christmas Day.
This means my deadline for getting Christmas ready has moved up sharply. It also means a Christmas of fire signs, because, naturally, Double Leo Sister and Jolly Not-So-Green Giant Brother-in-Law (an Aries, like my American cousin), plus, possibly, my younger nephew (another Leo). All wonderful people. All exhausting people. All people who dwell in a different world than mine. And I will be picking through an emotional minefield of expectations and extra effort - with my injured right arm.
It'll be lovely to see them. My daughters will be thrilled.
And I'll be looking forward to Boxing Day, which is, after all, the second day of Christmas. Americans don't observe either.
I've been avoiding the preparations I should be making, and doing genealogy and watching YouTube videos. I've shared this one before. It's about British Christmases. They understand something about darkness and depth, even in a festival of light.
Saturday, 3 December 2022
Watered in fears
I'm not going into much detail about the so-called "Freedom Convoy" which occupied Ottawa between January 30th and February 20th of this year. There's a pretty good timeline and break-down at Wikepedia. Suffice it to say that I was once again relieved to no longer be living in Hades, because the situation there was hellish for my former neighbours, to say nothing of elder daughters' friends and colleagues, most of whom live in Centretown.
I followed events from a distance, getting social media updates from people I knew.
When the whole trucker mess started, there were reports of people blocking long-term contacts on social media, as they learned that relatives and friends supported the truckers.
I thought that was an unlikely thing to happen to me - me with my intelligent reasonable friends. Of course, within a distressingly short time, I found myself spending days, weeks, trying to pull together a compassionate, polite, calm response to my best friend from high school. This kind and gentle lady had posted a link to a blog-post, which, among other things, declared that the truckers were honking out of love for Canada, to save it.
This blow came in the midst of reports from people I actually knew: reports of sleeplessness, of watching helplessly from their windows as people defecated against their buildings, of being unable to get their children to daycare or school, because truckers and police had blocked off access. Two of elder daughter's friends watched from their living room as two men put starter logs in the lobby of the apartment building facing theirs, lit them, then tied the entrance doors shut. (Elder daughter's friends, who are of many colours and sexual orientations, lived in terror, because they were visible targets. Most of them eventually fled to friends and family living outside of the downtown core.)Friday, 2 December 2022
Do I?
Thursday, 1 December 2022
Music for dinosaurs
I'm not exactly hip, am I? |
On the edge of December, Spotify once again released Spotify Wrapped, an algorithmic imagination of what I liked in music during the past eleven months.
In 2020, I was bemused and baffled. Last year, I don't remember paying it that much attention. This year, though, it's pretty accurate. I assume it's because I've got better at nudging the algorithm. Or something.
I was also wooed by a little - I dunno, what would you call it? - reel on my phone, telling me, among other things, that my morning mood was "Poetic Empowering Confident", my evening bent was "Easygoing Tender Sentimental" (must be that "Sleep" playlist I compiled for my sleep-bar), and that I "seized the day with Lit Fancy Relaxing". (Personally, I think Spotify should invest in some commas.)
Elder daughter and I compared profiles during our weekly Skype call. We're both "Adventurers", according to Spotify, and we suspect that everyone gets that.