My cat is a Pill

Fourteen more posts for NaBloPoMo. Piece of cake. I have to get ten more anti-biotic pills down the gullet of my cat.

A couple of days ago before sunrise, I bundled her into her soft carrier and trotted the kilometre to the vet's while saying soothing things to her such as: "Yeeees, I know...We'll be there soon...It's only for a day....I'll be right back for you this afternoon..." All of which she probably heard as: Raaar-raaar-raaaaar....Raar-raar-raar-raar.... Not soothing at all; pretty sinister, actually.

Anyway, it was a dental procedure and ended up costing several hundred dollars. When I came to pick her up, the vet was ready to give me instructions on giving her pain medication and anti-biotics. This involves smearing her "inner ear" (they meant the inner surface of her outer ear --- thank gawd) and..."just grasp the back of her head, tilt it up and her mouth will open, so you can push the pill as far as you can." I don't mean to sound churlish --- okay, maybe I do --- but given the amount of money we'd just spent, I think the vet should come over and administer the medications herself. Push the pill as far back as I can? She's met this cat, right? This is the cat we've been bringing in for nail-trimming, because she won't let us do it anymore.

I toddled the kilometre back in the setting sun, cradling the soft carrier and noticing the absence of distressed miaows that had accompanied the morning's expedition at regular intervals. When I let the cat out of the bag, it became clear why. This was one stoned kitty. She'd stagger a few paces, then lie down. When I picked her up, she was like a furry noodle. She'd stare past my shoulder at unseen phantoms, her pupils dilated, cloudy, and bewildered.

We managed the first pill with relative ease, and congratulated ourselves --- until we located it on the kitchen mat the next morning. The second pill was a bit more of a challenge; she spat it out a couple of times and it was practically dissolved by the time we got it to stay. By the third session, she had recovered considerably.

This is a Taurus cat. Of course, I'm a Taurean too which means immovable object meets immovable object. I get the Resident Fan Boy (a Virgo) to help me. I restrain the cat and pry her mouth open so she can emit sounds like: "MmmmRRRRRRRRRRmmmmm! Haaaaaaaah!" Cat cuss-words. Every now and then she slashes out with her paws. Thank goodness we thought to include a nail-clipping in the dental session. We've learned through hard experience that, after the pill has come out two or three times, I need to keep her jaws clamped shut for several minutes, then watch her for several minutes more in case she works it out again.

This morning we tried it in a tiny spoonful of soft cat food (a special treat for her). She sucked the food away and spat the pill out and after we finally got it down, we got to sponge "Chicken and Lamb Formula for Senior Cats" off her head. And all the time, we're pleading: "PLEASE, darling, it's for your own good..." which probably sounds like: RAAAAAWR-rrrr-rrrr-rawrrr...

I haven't applied the pain medication because I haven't actually seen evidence that she's in discomfort, but as I gaze at the impossibly long tin foil sleeve containing the remaining (gawd help us) ten antibiotic pills, I'm seriously considering it if it can get her stoned enough...

Did I mention the vet wants us to brush her teeth too?